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My Birth Story

The day before my birth i was so anxious and worried, i felt like something bad was about to happen.. i had such a strong mind set on how my birth would be and it felt in jeopardy.

At 39.3 weeks my midwife had come over in the morning and our babies head was still not engaged;. there was mention of possibly inductions and c- sections and all these fears of ending up in a hospital setting when all i wanted was a natural calm home water birth as far away from any Dr or hospital as possible . When my midwife left i burst into tears, feeling hopeless and fearful. This lead me to a place of self inquiry, ( my midwifes hidden intention behind it all) i thought i had dealt with all this fear? i had worked so hard during the pregnancy with affirmations, meditations and study to prepare my mind and body for this birth but at this moment of hopelessness and fear; i spend the whole day journalling trying to get to the root of this and reading; (ten moons and the guide to natural childbirth) regaining my confidence and addressing all the fears and beliefs that remain. I realised that i was so scared of ending up in hospital because my own birth was so traumatic that i had managed to avoid hospital my whole life. Yes i have never been to hospital except to visit sick or dyeing people and to me hospital felt like a dangerous place to have my baby. ✨ i felt that if i didn't resolve this fear quickly then i would end up being faced with it to deal with during my birth. it felt like a huge fork in the road to me, which way would i go? Late that night i remembered the lesson i gained during at vision quest during the first trimester ✨ “trust the process” & “surrender control” ✨”whatever experience i have, i need to have for my and my babies healing” ✨as my teacher @janehardwickecollings says “ you have the birth you need to have to learn the lessons you need to learn, to bring you closer to wholeness” I surrendered.. i will have the birth i need to have.. “however, whatever, whenever and where ever that is. i trust the process.. ✨



Tʜᴇ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ ᴀᴛ 39.4 ᴡᴇᴇᴋs ɪ ᴡᴏᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏɴғɪᴅᴇɴᴛ. ✨ “I'ᴍ ʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴛʜɪs ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴍʏ ʙᴀʙʏ” Wᴇ ᴡᴇɴᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ sᴏᴍᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ʙᴀʙʏ ᴄʜɪᴄᴋᴇɴs; ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀsᴛ ᴏɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴏᴅᴏ ʟɪsᴛ ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀʙʏ ᴀʀʀɪᴠᴇs. ✨ I sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ғᴇᴇʟ ᴄʀᴀᴍᴘʏ. I ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ Jᴏsʜ ᴛᴏ ᴅʀᴏᴘ ᴍᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏᴘ ᴏғ Bᴏᴏᴊɪᴅᴜᴘ Rᴏᴀᴅ sᴏ ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴡᴀʟᴋ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜɪʟʟ ʙʏ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴇᴛ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴢᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙʀɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ᴏɴ. ✨ I ᴡᴀʟᴋᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʟʟ ᴍʏ ᴀᴡᴀʀᴇɴᴇss ɪɴsɪᴅᴇ ᴍʏ ʙᴏᴅʏ, ᴛʜɪs ᴡᴀs ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇɢɪɴɴɪɴɢ ᴏғ ᴍʏ 12 ʜᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴍᴇᴅɪᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴄᴀʟʟᴇᴅ ʟᴀʙᴏʀ. I ʙʀᴇᴀᴛʜᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ғᴏᴄᴜsᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ᴀᴡᴀʀᴇɴᴇss ᴏɴ ᴍᴏᴠɪɴɢ ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴍʏ ʙᴏᴅʏ, ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏᴘ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴀʀᴛʜ. sᴘɪʀᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʜɪᴘs ᴀs ɪ ᴡᴀʟᴋᴇᴅ, ᴀɴᴅ ɢʀᴀᴄᴇғᴜʟʟʏ sᴛᴏᴍᴘɪɴɢ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ʙᴏᴏᴅᴊɪᴅᴜᴘ ʜɪʟʟ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʙᴀʙɪᴇs ʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴇɴɢᴀɢɪɴɢ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴘᴇʟᴠɪs. ✨ Tʜᴇ sᴇɴsᴀᴛɪᴏɴs ᴡᴇʀᴇ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ sᴛʀᴏɴɢᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛʀᴏɴɢᴇʀ. I ᴀʀʀɪᴠᴇᴅ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ʟᴜɴᴄʜ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀᴅ ʟᴜɴᴄʜ, ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ sᴀʏ sᴛɪʟʟ, ɪ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴏ sᴛᴏᴘ, ɪ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ʟᴀʙᴏʀ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴀʟʟ. I ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴ ɴᴏᴡ. I sᴘᴇɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ᴄʟᴇᴀɴɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏᴜsᴇ, ᴡᴀʟᴋɪɴɢ ᴜᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀʟʟᴡᴀʏ, ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴇʀᴛʏ. Jᴏsʜ ᴡᴀs ғɪɴɪsʜɪɴɢ ᴀ ɢᴀʀᴅᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴘʀᴏᴊᴇᴄᴛ. ɪ ᴡɪsʜ ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ᴘᴇᴅᴏᴍᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴ, ɪ ᴍᴜsᴛ ᴏғ ᴡᴀʟᴋᴇᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴍɪʟᴇs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴀʏ. ʜᴜɴᴅʀᴇᴅs ᴏғ ʟᴀᴘs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀʟʟᴡᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅɪɴɪɴɢ ᴛᴀʙʟᴇ. ᴅɪɴɴᴇʀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ғᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʙᴜᴛ ғᴏʀᴄᴇᴅ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴀɴ ᴇᴀsʏ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪɢᴇsᴛ ᴍᴇᴀʟ ᴏғ ᴅʜᴀʟ ᴀs ɪ ᴋɴᴇᴡ ɪᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴍʏ ʟᴀsᴛ ᴍᴇᴀʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴡʜɪʟᴇ. ✨ Aғᴛᴇʀ ᴅɪɴɴᴇʀ ᴡᴇ ʟɪᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀɴʏ ᴄᴀɴᴅʟᴇs I ʜᴀᴅ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏᴜsᴇ. Wᴇ sᴀɪᴅ ᴀ ᴘʀᴀʏᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪʀᴛʜɪɴɢ ɢᴏᴅᴅᴇssᴇs ʙᴇ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛ, ᴡᴇ ᴀsᴋᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴇ ʙᴇ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴜɪᴅᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ sᴀғᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴏᴠɪɴɢ ʙɪʀᴛʜ. ✨ Wᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ᴄᴀᴄᴀᴏ ᴄᴇʀᴇᴍᴏɴʏ (ᴅʀᴀɴᴋ sᴏᴍᴇ sᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛʀᴏɴɢ ᴄᴀᴄᴀᴏ) ғᴏʀ ɪᴛ ʙᴏᴏsᴛs ᴏxʏᴛᴏᴄɪɴ ᴀɴᴅ ɢɪᴠᴇs ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ; (ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴡʜʏ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ɪs ᴀᴅᴅɪᴄᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴄʜᴏᴄᴏʟᴀᴛᴇ) ✨


Aʀᴏᴜɴᴅ 8ᴘᴍ ᴍʏ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ʙᴇᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ʀᴇɢᴜʟᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴀs ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛ ᴏғ ᴀᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ ʟᴀʙᴏʀ. ✨


Wᴇ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ғɪɴᴀʟɪᴢᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏᴏʟ sᴇᴛ ᴜᴘ sᴏ ɪᴛ’s ʀᴇᴀᴅʏ. I ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏᴏʟ ᴀɴᴅ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴇʀᴇ ɪᴛ ʜɪssɪɴɢ.. ɪᴛ ʜᴀᴅ sᴘʀᴜɴɢ ᴀ ʟᴇᴀᴋ! (Jᴏsʜ sᴘᴇɴᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇxᴛ ʜᴏᴜʀ ᴏʀ sᴏ ʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ғɪx ɪᴛ) Dᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ I ᴡᴀs ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴠᴏᴄᴀʟ ʙᴜᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ғᴏᴄᴜsᴇᴅ sᴏ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴀs ɴᴏ ᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴄᴀᴛᴇ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪɴ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴊᴏsʜ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴀʟʟ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ɴᴏʀᴍᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴀʟᴋᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ. ✨ Tʜᴇɴ I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ғᴇᴇʟ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛᴀʀᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴜᴍᴍɪɴɢ ᴏʀ ᴀᴜᴍ-ɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴛʀᴇᴀᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴛᴏ ғᴏᴄᴜsɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴍᴏᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴍʏ ʙᴏᴅʏ. ✨ Wᴇ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʀɪɴɢ ᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪᴅᴡɪғᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀsᴋ ʜᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴇᴀʀʟɪᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴡᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅᴇᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ʙʀɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴘᴏᴏʟ ᴛᴏ sᴇᴛ ᴜᴘ, ᴡᴇ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ʜᴇʀ ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏɪɴɢ ᴏᴜʀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ʜᴇʀ ᴛɪᴍᴇ. ✨ I ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇᴅ ʜᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴜᴅ I ᴡᴀs ʀᴏᴀʀɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴏᴀɴɪɴɢ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴀ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ, sᴏ I ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀʏ ᴀ ᴄᴏᴜᴘʟᴇ sɪʟᴇɴᴛ ᴀɴᴅ sᴇᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ɪᴛ ғᴇʟᴛ.. ʏɪᴋᴇs! Tʜɪs ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ɪɴᴛᴇɴsᴇ! I ғᴇʟᴛ ɢʀᴀᴛᴇғᴜʟ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴏ ɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏʀs sᴏ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴀs ʟᴏᴜᴅ ᴀs I ɴᴇᴇᴅᴇᴅ. ✨

Aʀᴏᴜɴᴅ 10:30ᴘᴍ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ғᴇᴇʟ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀʙʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ʜɪᴄᴄᴜᴘs ᴡɪᴛʜ ɪᴛs ʜᴇᴀᴅ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴘᴇʟᴠɪs ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ’s ғᴇᴇᴛ ᴋɪᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴍʏ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ʀɪᴘs; sᴡɪᴍᴍɪɴɢ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ғᴜʀᴛʜᴇʀ (Hᴀs ᴀɴʏᴏɴᴇ ᴇʟsᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ᴛʜɪs?) ✨ Tʜᴇ sᴇɴsᴀᴛɪᴏɴs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴡᴇʀᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʙᴜɪʟᴅ ᴜᴘ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʜɪᴘs, ᴀs I ʙᴏᴜɴᴄᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ sᴡᴀʏᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғɪᴛ ʙᴀʟʟ.. Jᴏsʜ ᴍᴀssᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴍʏ ʜɪᴘs ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴀ ғᴇᴡ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴅɪssɪᴘᴀᴛᴇᴅ, ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴏғ ʙʟɪss !! YES! Bɪʀᴛʜ ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ Eᴄsᴛᴀᴛɪᴄ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏʀɢᴀsᴍɪᴄ! Tʜᴇʏ ᴀʀɴᴛ ʟʏɪɴɢ! ✨ Wɪᴛʜ ᴀ ʟᴏᴛ ᴏғ ᴇɴᴇʀɢʏ sᴛᴀʀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴏʀᴇ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʜɪᴘs ᴀɴᴅ I sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ғᴇᴇʟ ᴄᴏʟᴅ, ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴛɪᴍᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀ sʜᴏᴡᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀs ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴡᴇʀᴇ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ sᴛʀᴏɴɢᴇʀ. Wʜɪʟᴇ I ᴡᴀs ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sʜ